Motherhood has a lot of different meanings for a lot of different women.
I’m realizing 15 months after having a baby, what it means to me. It’s the most rewarding, hard, amazing, lonely, exciting and life changing thing that I will ever experience in my life. I’ve gone through more changes after having a baby, than I did when I went through puberty. LOL!
When I say life changing I mean just that. Your body changes A LOT, your relationships, priorities, your schedule and just learning how to care for another person. A person who can’t make decisions for themselves for years. Hell, I had to learn how to drive again. I was terrified to go anywhere by myself with Sutton. I’m sure Mathew got so tired of chauffeuring me around. For the longest time, I refused to sit in the front. I’m sure for each mama, one of those changes was harder than the rest.
The first months of Sutton being here, I was very lonely. Having a baby in the middle of RSV and FLU season can make that happen. I didn’t go anywhere. For the first month, I sat in my room most days pumping, nursing, and changing diapers. I tried to nap while he did and then repeated the cycle! Mathew went right back to work. When he was home, he was sleeping. During night feedings, I remember just crying because I just felt like I was by myself with this new baby. I felt like no one wanted to hang out with me anymore. I couldn’t hang out with anyone because that would make me selfish. I was just LONELY. But in the same breath I was over the moon happy.
There is a lot of things that you experience and go through that no one ever talks about. All I heard was how hard having a newborn was. They never sleep. They poop too much, etc., etc. They don’t mention sleep regression, they don’t mention when your baby is sick, or teething OMG teething. I heard terror stories about women’s delivery, or their stay at the hospital or how their baby never slept. But nothing about the sleep regression every month for the first 4 months. LOL
Let’s get deep real deep being a mom, is the hardest thing a woman will do in my opinion. Everything changes for the woman, her whole life changes. Not to say it doesn’t change for the men, cause it does change usually in a good way. The changes for women aren’t all good and fun changes. I never had the PP depression specifically, but I did become depressed. Now I wasn’t having any thoughts about hurting my baby or myself, I just thought only negative things about myself. I knew I was a good mom but everything else about me was trash.
Motherhood is raw, its real and its hard, but it is the most rewarding thing in the world. There is nothing that I wouldn’t do to make sure that Sutton has everything he needs.
“Motherhood is the art of finding beauty in the chaos and joy in the little moments.”
Hugs, Sam.
Root’s of A Cowboy Mama 