Being a wife is hard, like hard, hard being a woman is hard, then add being a mom and well just forget it. You want to make everyone happy. Forget about how you feel, or how you are doing. As long as the husband and kiddo’s are happy that’s all that matters, and that fulfills you.
My whole life I’ve always known I’ve wanted a husband, babies a family the whole enchilada. To get to call myself a wife, mom, to have MY family. It has been my greatest honor to be able to call myself all of the above. What I wasn’t expecting all the pressure, weight and judgement. Not from other women, wives, moms or the old lady I stroll by or the people sitting near that see that you’re struggling to get through a meal with your very tired two year old, hand over the phone to buy a few more minutes to eat, that’s the type of judgement, I absolutely expected. The judgement from family you know the kind where it breaks you, makes you feel like you can’t be a good enough mother, like everything you do is one failure after another like you aren’t good at any of it. That’s when it hits the hardest when you’ve finally gotten the dream you’ve wanted for so long and you feel like you are killing it, and that one person you would never expect says 5 words or just rolls their eyes with a little exasperation. Yes, that is all it takes for me to be defeated, I have been beaten up, yelled at, things have been thrown at my head, I’ve solved world altering problems for this two year old. But all it takes is a damn eye roll from the least expected to make your world feel like a lie.
My 33 years of life I have always been very hard on myself, sometimes way too hard, especially if I know I am good at something. Being a mom is something I think I am very good at, so when anyone makes me feel like I am not, or that I have done something wrong, well that is when it is over for me, I second guess all that I’ve done and or even thought. I take it personally.
Sutton is two years old and he is my first child, my only child at the moment. Every day Sutton does something new, and every day it’s also new for me. Everything Sutton does is a first for me too, we are literally learning together. So I am having to figure out how to discipline him, how to learn his language, learn what is going to keep him from screaming for 10 minutes because his shirt fits weird (yes we have fits about our clothing and how it fits). I may not discipline how others would, I may be more lenient on things, I may not follow him around to make sure he doesn’t do something crazy but that is not for anyone to decide but you and your spouse. I don’t care how many kids you raised or took care of. THEY ARE MINE.
I am learning this now, unfortunately it wasn’t sooner, but you have to ignore everyone else. Now I am not saying take advice because hell we can all use some advice, especially from the seasoned parents, grandparents and friends. But it is your family your babies you as a mama will always know what is best for YOUR babies. So ignore the eye rolling, the huffs and puffs and the unwanted unnecessary commentary. You are a HELL OF A wife and or mother.
“I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.”
Psalm 121:1-2
Hugs, Sam.
Root’s of A Cowboy Mama 