Dear Me,

I know you’re tired.

Not just the kind of tired sleep fixes, but the kind that settles deep in your bones from carrying so much for so long. You spend so much of your life making sure everyone else is okay — making the meals, remembering the little things, wiping tears, holding everything together even when you feel like you’re quietly falling apart yourself.

But I need you to hear this:

You are doing better than you think.

The love you pour into your family matters. The small moments matter. The bedtime snuggles, the patience you somehow find after hard days, the way you keep showing up even when you feel overwhelmed — that is love in its truest form.

You don’t have to be perfect to be worthy.
You don’t have to have everything figured out to be a good mother, wife, woman, or person.
You are allowed to feel exhausted.
You are allowed to need rest.
You are allowed to outgrow old versions of yourself.

There will be seasons where you question everything — your choices, your strength, your purpose. But one day you’ll look back and realize you survived moments you once thought would break you.

And you did it with softness still in your heart.

I hope you keep dreaming.
I hope you keep writing.
I hope you keep creating beautiful things from the parts of yourself you once thought were too broken to share.

You deserve joy that doesn’t have to be earned.
You deserve peace that isn’t temporary.
You deserve love that feels safe.

And no matter how messy life becomes, never forget this:
The people who truly love you are not expecting perfection from you. They just want you.

So breathe.
Slow down when you need to.
Laugh louder.
Take the picture.
Sing in the car.
Hold your babies close.
Forgive yourself more often.

You are becoming someone stronger, softer, wiser, and more beautiful than you realize.

And honestly?
I’m proud of you for making it this far.

Love,
Me

The Strength behind “Mom”

Being a wife is hard, like hard, hard being a woman is hard, then add being a mom and well just forget it. You want to make everyone happy. Forget about how you feel, or how you are doing. As long as the husband and kiddo’s are happy that’s all that matters, and that fulfills you. 

My whole life I’ve always known I’ve wanted a husband, babies a family the whole enchilada. To get to call myself a wife, mom, to have MY family. It has been my greatest honor to be able to call myself all of the above. What I wasn’t expecting all the pressure, weight and judgement. Not from other women, wives, moms or the old lady I stroll by or the people sitting near that see that you’re struggling to get through a meal with your very tired two year old, hand over the phone to buy a few more minutes to eat, that’s the type of judgement, I absolutely expected. The judgement from family you know the kind where it breaks you, makes you feel like you can’t be a good enough mother, like everything you do is one failure after another like you aren’t good at any of it. That’s when it hits the hardest when you’ve finally gotten the dream you’ve wanted for so long and you feel like you are killing it, and that one person you would never expect says 5 words or just rolls their eyes with a little exasperation. Yes, that is  all it takes for me to be defeated, I have been beaten up, yelled at, things have been thrown at my head, I’ve solved world altering problems for this two year old. But all it takes is a damn eye roll from the least expected to make your world feel like a lie. 

My 33 years of life I have always been very hard on myself, sometimes way too hard, especially if I know I am good at something. Being a mom is something I think I am very good at, so when anyone makes me feel like I am not, or that I have done something wrong, well that is when it is over for me, I second guess all that I’ve done and or even thought. I take it personally. 

Sutton is two years old and he is my first child, my only child at the moment. Every day Sutton does something new, and every day it’s also new for me. Everything Sutton does is a first for me too, we are literally learning together. So I am having to figure out how to discipline him, how to learn his language, learn what is going to keep him from screaming for 10 minutes because his shirt fits weird (yes we have fits about our clothing and how it fits). I may not discipline how others would, I may be more lenient on things, I may not follow him around to make sure he doesn’t do something crazy but that is not for anyone to decide but you and your spouse. I don’t care how many kids you raised or took care of. THEY ARE MINE.

I am learning this now, unfortunately it wasn’t sooner, but you have to ignore everyone else. Now I am not saying take advice because hell we can all use some advice, especially from the seasoned parents, grandparents and friends. But it is your family your babies you as a mama will always know what is best for YOUR babies. So ignore the eye rolling, the huffs and puffs and the unwanted unnecessary commentary. You are a HELL OF A wife and or mother. 

“I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.”
Psalm 121:1-2

Hugs, Sam.

Sam, the Author

Never thought I’d be an Author, but as of midnight I am a children’s book author! 

“Sutton, Pepper and the Sky Full of Wishes” is out now.  

The emotions I have, are like a roller coaster. My dreams literally are coming true as we speak. Of course I’d love a best seller, but hey I published a freakin book! I’m happy for that, whatever the outcome. 

I don’t say it much, but I am so proud of myself. So proud that I kept going kept pushing making this book happen. I’ve wanted to write a children’s book since I could write. Now that I’ve got a sweet baby boy, who is the best inspiration, WHY NOT? Why freakin not! 

I do plan on writing more, hopefully a series and then something to go along with this blog. But one at a time for now. 

Go check it out. Love y’all! 
https://a.co/d/3QjVjOz

Hugs, Sam

Life-Saving Baby Products Every Mom Should Try

Let’s talk about the things we as mama’s can’t live without. 

•• The Sound Machine, it’s definitely magic.

•• To-Go changing pad. I have three LOL

•• Corona Ointment, yes you buy it at the feed store. 

The brands we use and love 

•Mom-cozy & Yoga-sleep for our sound machines. the Yoga-sleep, is a travel machine.  

•Skip Hop, is the brand of two of the changing pads the third one is the brand Herschel

Sutton’s used his sound machines since we brought him home from the hospital. It’s so funny, my husband and I got used to it when Sutton slept in his bassinet in our room. To tell you the truth, I wouldn’t know if Sutton can sleep without it or not. When he’s asleep I usually want him to stay asleep. I feel like it drowns out any other noises going on outside of his room. Hell I don’t know if it does, but for now we are not finding out! 

The changing pads, I don’t know about you but I hate changing Sutton in a public bathroom. I try my best to avoid it. However, sometimes I really don’t have a choice. That’s where these to-go changing pads come in handy! I have three, one that came with his diaper bag, and two I got as gifts at my baby shower. The other two are fancy. They have a spot to put diapers and wipes. You don’t have to take the entire diaper bag. What I really like is the handle they have you can clip it to the stroller so it’s right there. Mathew, is a germaphobe, like to the MAX! So he really likes them. It also makes it a bit more comfy for Sutton. 

These things have been miracle workers for me, as a first time mom. Any of the three listed can be gotten on Amazon. I would love to see what your favorite three things were your miracle workers as a mom. 

Hugs, Sam.

The Unspoken Truths About Becoming a Mom

Motherhood has a lot of different meanings for a lot of different women. 

I’m realizing 15 months after having a baby, what it means to me. It’s the most rewarding, hard, amazing, lonely, exciting and life changing thing that I will ever experience in my life. I’ve gone through more changes after having a baby, than I did when I went through puberty. LOL!

When I say life changing I mean just that. Your body changes A LOT, your relationships, priorities, your schedule and just learning how to care for another person. A person who can’t make decisions for themselves for years. Hell, I had to learn how to drive again. I was terrified to go anywhere by myself with Sutton. I’m sure Mathew got so tired of chauffeuring me around. For the longest time, I refused to sit in the front. I’m sure for each mama, one of those changes was harder than the rest. 

The first months of Sutton being here, I was very lonely. Having a baby in the middle of RSV and FLU season can make that happen. I didn’t go anywhere. For the first month, I sat in my room most days pumping, nursing, and changing diapers. I tried to nap while he did and then repeated the cycle! Mathew went right back to work. When he was home, he was sleeping. During night feedings, I remember just crying because I just felt like I was by myself with this new baby. I felt like no one wanted to hang out with me anymore. I couldn’t hang out with anyone because that would make me selfish. I was just LONELY. But in the same breath I was over the moon happy. 

There is a lot of things that you experience and go through that no one ever talks about. All I heard was how hard having a newborn was. They never sleep. They poop too much, etc., etc. They don’t mention sleep regression, they don’t mention when your baby is sick, or teething OMG teething. I heard terror stories about women’s delivery, or their stay at the hospital or how their baby never slept. But nothing about the sleep regression every month for the first 4 months. LOL

Let’s get deep real deep being a mom, is the hardest thing a woman will do in my opinion. Everything changes for the woman, her whole life changes. Not to say it doesn’t change for the men, cause it does change usually in a good way. The changes for women aren’t all good and fun changes. I never had the PP depression specifically, but I did become depressed. Now I wasn’t having any thoughts about hurting my baby or myself, I just thought only negative things about myself. I knew I was a good mom but everything else about me was trash. 

Motherhood is raw, its real and its hard, but it is the most rewarding thing in the world. There is nothing that I wouldn’t do to make sure that Sutton has everything he needs. 

“Motherhood is the art of finding beauty in the chaos and joy in the little moments.”

Hugs, Sam.

Embracing the Adventures of Raising a Boy

I’ve always heard being a boy mom is not for the faint of heart. Well until you live it you don’t get just how true that really is. I’ve been a boy mom for 15 months, and wow all I have to say is they aren’t lying. Every day I lose about 10% of life. Sutton does things that he thinks are funny. These actions quite literally make me hold my breath.

It didn’t really start until he realized he had the freedom of walking. He had the freedom to get to where he wanted to go by himself. He thinks he can ride everything like a horse. That has me needing my own oxygen tank. I need it to carry around. It’s so funny though. No matter what happens or what he gets into, he literally gets up with a furrowed brow. Even when something bucks him off, he literally gets up. Then he busts out laughing. Whilst I’m turning blue, crying and probably hurting myself more trying to keep him from hurting himself. I’m pretty sure he’s made of rubber. LOL!!

I grew up with two younger sisters. My middle sister was just as much of a boy as a boy gets. She was in the middle of every mud puddle. She rode everything like a horse. I mean, she would even act like a horse or a dog while playing house. So to say that being a boy mom isn’t for the faint of heart, isn’t always true. I am pretty sure my mom felt the same as I do when Sutton acts crazy, when Sydney acted crazy.

So while I don’t truly believe boys act differently than girls. I do believe boys know exactly what will keep their mamas on their toes. They do just that. BUT!!!! Boys have another side that girls don’t. As a daughter to a mama who raised all girls, I know this firsthand.

Boys love their mama’s with a love so sweet. When I was pregnant, I really wanted a girl. I partly felt this way because I didn’t think I could’ve handled a boy. Additionally, our family’s don’t have any girls on either side. I honestly wanted to be the one that changed that, selfishly. When we found out we were having a boy, every mama I talked to told me, “boys love their mamas.” They were right. There is just some kind of bond that a mom and son share. Some people may say you spend more time with him than Mathew. Others might say you are too easy on him. They may even say you give him all he wants, yada yada yada. It is none of those things. Since the day we brought him home, I knew we would be close. I knew we would have the best relationship. Now that may change as he gets older. I hope that it doesn’t. There will always be a special bond deep down.

For now, I am going to enjoy everything Sutton throws at me. Whether it’s trying to climb the back of the couch or giving hugs and singing with me. He is truly what my heart needed and I am so happy chose me to be his mama! This adventure just keeps getting better. I can’t wait to share with you all the fun of being a cowboy’s mama!

Hug, Sam.

How I Juggle Motherhood + Working.

Hello to all the working mama’s! Let’s get into the ups and downs of being a working mama. I’ve always known that I wanted to be a mom, and the plan was to be a stay at home mom. To stay home and raise babies, is an absolute dream of mine. BUT, that is not how the real world works apparently. When I had to go back to work, it broke my heart. I was overwhelmed with so many different emotions, am I letting Sutton down by not being around all the time? Am I going to be able to juggle having a three month old and working? I am pharmacy technician, my job is no walk in the park it’s A LOT! It’s stressful, energy sucking, and depending on the day it can be very mentally draining, and bringing that home to my baby and husband as a new mom made me feel all the sad and unnerving feels. When I left on maternity leave there was a lot of changes happening, so coming back to not knowing what I was walking back into was the hardest thing. New management, new co-workers and old co-workers leaving and no longer being there. The only thing that really got me through, was knowing that my mother-in-law would be the one watching Sutton. As hard as it was to even think about leaving Sutton, I had to realize I wasn’t going to have to leave him at a day care with people I don’t know.

I had to learn how to work with new people, in pharmacy every pharmacist has a specific way they like things done, so having to learn all the new ways of doing things was huge for me. After 5 years of doing things one way it can be tough to try to break those habits. I have had to learn how to leave my home life at the door when I get to work and leave my work life at the door when I get home. I’ve had to learn to let stuff go that would normally upset me. I have had to learn how to prioritize doing things, and the worst of all I have had to learn how to get up when my alarm goes off, I don’t get to hit snooze 10 times before getting up. LOL!!

Mathew and I’s relationship has had to go through some changes as well. Nothing crazy, but having a baby is a lot for a husband and wife to figure out in general then you add going back to work and just having to learn a new way of life, pretty much. I’ve been back at work for almost a year, and things are going okay. I do still plan to be a SAHM eventually, but right now I will enjoy the adult time I get 3-4 times a week. I know there are mama’s out there that love to work and couldn’t wait to get back to work and that is absolutely wonderful, I am just not that mama. I do like to know that I can help contribute a little for my family. But for now I will continue to pray and trust that God will allow me the ability to stay home and raise my baby!

PS: It does not make you a bad mama to go back to work, and it doesn’t make you a bad mama to not go back to work and put all your energy into you kiddos. You will make the right decision for you and your family, and your family will forgive you no matter what you decide to do.

YOU GO THIS MAMA!!!<3

Hugs, Sam!

The Mom Struggle: Late Night Me Time

Okay mama’s how many of you still stay up too late just to have some “me time?”

I don’t do anything productive, but how nice it is to sit in bed watch your fave show/movie and actually can hear and pay attention to it? Or to be able to take a shower and not have to rush.

Then you wake up the next morning and as you watch your bundle of joy quite literally bouncing off all four walls you think  “DAMMIT, I should have went to bed instead of watching that trash tv!

THE STRUGGLE IS REAL.

Hugs, Sam.

Parents Night Out!

Last night Mathew and I went to a little get together for Mathews friend Crockett Carothers pod cast “The Wealthy Cowboy.” It was the one year anniversary, and the first night out we’ve had in a couldn’t tell you how long. 

 Being without Sutton is almost like having to figure out how to be with just Mathew. I love the ability to be in the moment with Mathew, and not having to chase, listen for or watch for a little person. But honestly when it comes down to it I miss Sutton like crazy when I’m not with him. 

 Last night was great, and I truly believe whether you’re a first time mom, a mom of two or even a mom of five, getting out for some 1 on 1 time with your significant other is a must. Whether it’s once a week, once every couple of weeks or once a month make the time. You won’t regret it, you may even learn something new about your honey or even just remember old things that you’ve forgotten over time. 

Hugs, Sam.